Love Being Momma

choices do not always equal judgment

2012-02-11T13:11:00.000-08:00

This morning I read a blog from one of my favorite mom bloggers, and it resonated with me on many levels. The gist of the blog {in case you don't want to read the entire thing} was about the "trend of deriding those bloggers who write anything considered "alternative". They are accused of being holier-than-thou, of judging others, of making others feel bad about their lives, of presenting an impossible image, and above all, of pretending to have the perfect life".

Wow. After writing a blog about "mompetition" and some areas where I needed to be less competitive, I was accused of being judgmental and making them feel bad about their parenting choices. In hindsight, though I wrote that blog with no intention of hurting feelings, I can see how the tone might have come across as haughty. I shared some things that I'm passionate about, and how I need to be less judgmental about my choices. Yet, I was still accused of judging by saying I needed to judge less. If you can possibly understand that, God bless you. {can you send me an email and explain it to me?}

You see, after years of community in an online group of friends {we connected on a parenting website when we were all pregnant with our first children}, I decided to be really transparent about an area where I was struggling. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined the path that conversation would ultimately take. To make a very long, emotionally damaging story short, several of the ladies {who I would've referred to as some of my closest friends, albeit only in the virtual world} began ripping me apart, limb from limb, accusing me of being judgmental and opinionated for sharing some of my choices {breastfeeding, choosing not to fully vaccinate, attachment parenting, not taking narcotic meds after a c-section because I didn't want to endanger my breastfeeding or bonding relationship with my newborn}. One gal even went as far as to say that I was "without tact". I was absolutely heartbroken, and it rocked me to the core of my being.

In "real life", I had never been accused of being judgmental or opinionated. I really contemplated why, and determined two things: one, the written word can often be read in a different tone than it was originally intended; and two, perhaps I feel a greater freedom to share about my decisions when I'm writing {not getting interrupted every two sentences is empowering! ha!}.

I love what a commenter wrote on the original blog I mentioned. She said that the "crunchy" life choices tend to be more research-based. I'd never thought about it that way. But yes- I do tons of research about practically every decision I make {from parenting to food purchases to laundry detergent}. So, when I make a decision, I feel a great deal of certainty {granted, any decision as a mom is subject to change at any given moment!}. Perhaps, then, when I share about a choice I've made, it comes across as being haughty or proud {in a negative way}, because I am so certain after doing hours of research.

We all have the privilege and responsibility of doing our own research and making our own decisions. When reading about other people {especially other moms} and their choices, we would all do well {myself included} to refrain from assuming malicious intent. So hard.

So, what about you? Have you been accused of being judgmental when you share a decision? Have you ever been in a situation where you were offended by someone else's certainty?

lessons from broccoli.

2011-12-13T14:58:00.000-08:00

One of the many things that I love about Jesus is how He related to the people of His day using stories {we call them parables}. He used the things of everyday life, such as farming, to help people relate to Biblical truth. All throughout the Gospels {Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John}, we see Jesus speaking in story form. I think we all could stand to learn from His easy, conversational way of relating to others... regardless of beliefs about spiritual matters. Instead of attempting to work so many "churchy" words and phrases into our sentences, we would have greater influence if we were just... real. Being salt and being light {what Jesus said we should be like in this world} is less about words and more about relationships. The most effective way to share the love of Christ is organic... it's natural, it's based on building relationships with people.

I find that God speaks to me through stories. He uses the simplest, most ordinary things to reinforce the truths that I've read in His Word. In the stillness, in the chaos that is my life, in the midst of laundry and dishes and potty breaks, {even as I type this, I had to pause when I heard, "Mommy... I need to go potty!"}He speaks. Today, I want to share with you how God used broccoli.

Several weeks ago, we decided to try growing broccoli. Let me explain how our first attempt at container gardening ~~was a complete flop~~ didn't go exactly as we'd hoped. We bought tons of containers, planted all kinds of things, watered and fed the plants as we were supposed to, and harvested a crop {i.e., 3} potatoes the size of marbles. I'm pretty sure that one pest or another {I'm learning to LOATHE snails} gobbled up any hopes of other vegetables we'd hoped to eat from our garden. So, I suppose you could say I/we were less than optimistic about the outcome of our little broccoli-planting venture.

Within a week or ten days, our broccoli plant began to grow... bigger, and bigger, and bigger. On our front porch is this huge, beautiful, healthy-looking broccoli plant. There was only one small problem... despite its huge green leaves, it lacked one single head of broccoli. Oh, it was beautiful, and it gave me hope that we would actually get to eat the fruits... er, vegetables, of our labor. Walt has been faithfully watering the plant and watching after it, and while it appeared to be "working", without a head of broccoli, all of his work was in vain. What's the use in putting hours into a vegetable plant that has only leaves and no vegetables?

About 19 months ago, we started asking God to grant a specific request for our family. While I know that God has heard my request, He has not yet answered in the way I've expected. I am thankful that the power of a prayer is in the One who hears it, not the one who says it. Not a day has gone by that I haven't pleaded with God for this one thing. During an especially meaningful time with God a couple of months ago, I felt Him whisper to my heart, "I want you to want Me most." So, perhaps, He has not answered this prayer the way I'd hoped because He just wants my heart to be completely His, completely surrendered to whatever He wants for my life. As I poured my heart out to a friend, she imparted a bit of wisdom that wasn't lost on me. She said, "Perhaps this is the way you learn trust. Not saying it's easy. Nothing worth it ever is."

Yesterday morning, we woke up and were going about our normal routine when Walt {who I thought had already gone to work!} came into Caleb's room. He handed me his phone, which had a picture on it, and said, "We have broccoli!"

Lo and behold, our broccoli plant is starting to sprout heads of broccoli!

Oh, no, they're not huge, and we definitely have a while before they're edible.

But we. have. broccoli.

That's the main point.

All of Walt's hard work, all of our waiting, is paying off.

I was thinking about our impending broccoli success while unloading the dishwasher this afternoon, when God said to me, "You know this other thing that you've been asking Me about?"

I dried off another cup... "mmhmm?"

"Give it time. Give Me time. Let Me work. What I'm doing, it's far bigger, it's so much more than you can imagine, and it's going to take time. Trust Me."

And, so I will. Because He. is. good.

Believe it: I have all I need for today. The needs of our day are great, but God is greater and we call Him providence because we believe: He always provides. {And when God provides, He should be praised, and if God always provides, shouldn't praise always be on our lips?}

Ann Voskamp

5x7 Folded Card

2011-12-12T08:00:00.001-08:00

Blessed Family Religious Christmas Card

Visit Shutterfly.com for classic photo Christmas cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

the sandpipers

2011-09-20T18:14:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I had the privilege of spending some time at the beach with my family. Literally. Condo within spittin' distance of the Atlantic. It was glorious.

We collected shells {I smell some crafting fun in my near future}, watched surfers {who had some great waves, thanks to a passing hurricane}, played in the waves {when the rip current wasn't too ridiculously strong...}, ate at a couple of local restaurants {DaKine Diego's Insane Burritos. ridiculously good.}, and just enjoyed our time being together as a family.

We are beach people, through and through. There's just something calming about watching and listening to the waves. It's almost hypnotizing. My mom and I discussed the incredible amount of energy the ocean contains. My heart kept singing, O Lord, my God... when I, in awesome wonder, consider all the works Thy hands have made... Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee... How great Thou art... Even Caleb has listened to the ocean on a sound machine all night, every night, since he was just weeks old. We. Love. The. Beach.

And, in all honesty, who has been to the beach and NOT noticed the sandpipers, playing along the water's edge?

(image courtesy National Geographic)

As the waves go out, they scurry as quickly as their little birdie legs will carry them, and they start searching in the sand for these little, itty bitty creatures that live in shells, as well as whatever other insects they can find and quickly eat. The shell dwellers know the birds are coming, too, because as soon as they're exposed, they start trying to bury themselves in the sand and hide. Burrowing deeply, I imagine them holding their breath until another wave comes to sweep them away from the danger of the sandpipers.

One morning, I awoke before everyone else {and let me clarify- that was literally one. morning. My little alarm clock made sure everyone was up no later than 7am each day. Bless him. How else would we have seen every sunrise?}. I quickly made my way out to the back porch, overlooking the ocean. I had just a few moments before the sun started to peek over the edge of the horizon, and there was this deep longing in my soul to spend those moments talking to my Creator. The One who spoke everything {this magnificent ocean... this worn-out, weary mom... everything} into existence. And, as our conversation ensued, I once again began to observe a sandpiper, running back and forth at water's edge. Just like this one...

Surf Bird/Sandpiper dancing from Richard Smith Jr on Vimeo.

I noticed something about the sandpiper. He never watched the water. There was no challenge in moving at just the right time, it was all instinct. He wasn't nervously watching the waves, trying to get it all right, worried that one would pull him under just as he was trying to grab a bite. He never looked. He just did what he was created to do, and trusted that he would be safe.

I wondered, almost out loud, "How? How does he know when the water is going to start rushing toward land?" And without missing a beat, the One I was conversing with spoke softly to my heart. "The sandpiper spends his life out here in the ocean... he immerses himself in the environment... everything he does revolves around this ocean. That is why he doesn't even have to look." I sucked in a breath, contemplating the depth of this realization. As I exhaled, I heard Him say, "Daughter, immerse yourself in me, and you won't even have to look around you. I am all you need."

... and He is.

a yummy right of passage...

2011-07-29T09:47:00.000-07:00

Today, Caleb had his first donut! Needless to say, he is a fan... I mean, really, who can resist?

It went kind of like this...

Mmmmm... this is good! (of course, he immediately wanted to hold the donut and be in control...)

Hey- that was really good! ummm... more?
(to which Mommy & Daddy said, "no way!")

Wait a minute... what is this STUFF all over my hands?

Obviously, donuts are not a frequent item in our house... but a much-enjoyed, rare treat- now, for all of us!

Willette's Joy of Love - Days 1 through 5

2011-02-07T11:00:00.000-08:00

I have undertaken a month-long challenge by Willette Designs entitled, The Joy of Love. In typical fashion, I am a few days behind... Here are days one through five:

Day 1: What They Do- our assignment was to capture our subject doing, simply, what they do. We bought Caleb an amazing train table for Christmas, and he so enjoys driving his train around the tracks. He's quite serious about it, in case you can't tell.

Day 2: How They Look- our assignment was to capture the TRUE essence/expression/attitude/posture that SCREAMS your loved one! This cheesy grin is just... Caleb.

Day 3: Then & Now- our assignment was to capture the difference between how our loved one looked when we met him and how he looks now... to truly get the essence of the changes that have taken place. One suggestion was to have the subject hold a picture of himself "then"... after several attempts and zero cooperation, I happened to snap this shot as he threw the "then" picture on the ground. Little did I know how much I would LOVE it!

Day 4: What They Wear- the assignment for day 4 was to capture my subject's clothing, on or off of him. These are Caleb's everyday K-Swiss sneakers.

Day 5: What You Love to Hate- the assignment? Capture something about your loved one that drives you NUTS... if not a physical characteristic, something that embodies the idea. One thing that drives me bananas is Caleb's ability to completely tune. me. out. as if I'm not in the room. This facial expression pretty much says it all. :)

(Big shout-out to my girl, Ree, The Pioneer Woman... my photos just wouldn't be the same without her PS Actions!)

Book Review & GIVEAWAY!: Love and Respect for a Lifetime

2010-10-04T16:27:00.000-07:00

I recently received a copy of Emerson Eggerich's Love and Respect for a Lifetime to review, and I immediately thought of some of our best friends, who are getting married at the end of the year. Literally- the END of the year! Their wedding is December 31st, and really, what better way to start out 2011 than as husband and wife? I decided that, unless the book was horrifically awful, or I disagreed with some of the principles, they were going to receive my copy as a gift. I'm happy to report that they'll be getting a copy!

I originally thought this was going to be an actual book... you know, lots of paper pages covered in words? It's not. It's more of a gift book. In fact, it would make a perfect coffee table book, because each page contains a tidbit from the original Love and Respect book, and someone who just picked it up and read a page would still get good stuff out of it. In fact, I can see how you would thumb through and be inspired to purchase Eggerich's original classic. Anyhow, it's very attractive and would make a great wedding or anniversary gift... or perhaps for Valentine's Day, if your sweetheart is the book type!

Eggerich has been speaking about marriage and counseling couples for decades, and that is very evident as you glean from the wisdom contained in the pages of this book. From observations he's made to stories from couples he has counseled, the reader is sure to find a new thought that can immediately be applied to any type of relationship. Yes, the book is certainly geared toward married couples, but I feel sure that even a single person could gain a new perspective toward the opposite sex, and how to relate in non-romantic relationships.

So, bottom-line, I recommend it. In fact, I might pick up the original Love and Respect- I'm thankful for Eggerich's wisdom, and have already applied some of his principles to my marriage.

Would YOU like to receive a copy of this book, too? Well, guess what- you can! The publisher accidentally shipped two copies for me to review, and I have been given the green light to give the extra copy away, here on my blog.

To enter, simply comment on this post. No complicated extra credit, though I'd be honored if you'd be my friend on Facebook or follow me on Twitter. I'll randomly choose a winner Friday, October 8th, sometime after noon.

I used a random name generator, and the winner is... Heather! Congrats! Keep your eyes open for a package from me!

Disclaimer: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze book review bloggers program. The opinions expressed in this review are my own.

Mompetition

2010-09-22T05:39:00.000-07:00

Let me be upfront in saying that I don't endorse the language in this video, but I think the message outweighs it.

Mompetition.

Sounds like it should be a new reality TV show where stay-at-home moms compete to iron trousers and diaper babies and cook dinner in record time. I had better be careful- I don't want to feed that monster. There's enough "reality" garbage on TV as it is.

Mompetition refers to this unspoken war among all moms. We try to justify our decisions, and in the process, end up slinging mud all over our potential "mom friends". As I watched this video, I groaned, because good grief- I know I'm guilty. No matter how hard you try to be neutral and not judge others, when you have such strong convictions on things, it's really hard not to be critical.

We all have equal access (for the most part) to the information that is available for researching anything and everything related to child-rearing... from nutrition to naps to vaccinations to discipline, it's out there, and it's up to us to read and digest. Some of us tend to read it all and become self-proclaimed experts, while others are perfectly content to be an ostrich and just do whatever we're told or whatever seems natural. Either way, when we come across someone who has made different choices, it seems like the only reasonable reaction is to stand up for what we have decided is best, even if it means knocking down that other mom.

There are certain things in child-rearing that I am passionate about, and I therefore have a very difficult time not judging people who do things differently...

... when I see a child chowing down on McDonalds, I wince.

... when I see an infant drinking formula from a bottle, I groan.

... when I hear that a mother is following the CDC recommended vaccination schedule, I shudder.

... when I see or hear of a mother angrily spanking a child, my eyes tear up.

But you know what? I've not walked in their shoes. I don't KNOW why the other mom has to feed her child junk- maybe she lost her job and all she had was a gift card for McDonalds. I don't KNOW why the other mom isn't breastfeeding her baby- maybe she suffered from breast cancer and had to undergo a mastectomy. I don't KNOW why the other mom is "loading her child with toxins" by fully vaccinating- maybe they are missionaries and moving to a third world country. I don't KNOW why the other mom is "beating her child"- maybe she's told him over and over, but he still ran out into the street.

So yeah. It's true. I've been a mompetitor. But my new goals? Compassion. Empathy. Because really, we need each other... we need our mom friends... we need to walk this road of mommyhood hand-in-hand with those who have gone before and those who are just beginning. Let's do this together.

The Map - A Book Review

2010-09-21T18:21:00.001-07:00

Several months ago, I received a copy of David Murrow's The Map to review. As a dutiful book reviewer, I took it with me on a long weekend vacation, and set out to conquer it in a couple of sittings, which is typical for me.

As I started to read, it took a bit to get "hooked", but eventually, I found myself engrossed in a tale of a man's journey. It possessed all the great mystery/action elements, and, though the book was intended for men (oops, didn't realize this when I offered to review it) and certainly geared toward the male gender, I was truly enjoying the story.

And then, everything changed.

Surprise! The whole real-life journey? Yeah, it's not really true. It's just fiction. While it served its purpose of drawing me in, I felt betrayed, lied to, duped!

I found the rest of the book difficult to read and understand, as it seems to talk in circles. I won't spoil it, in case you plan to read it, but I truly feel that Murrow (while honest in his attempt) is looking WAY too much into the Bible and trying to create a "new" theory. He's not the first author to try and find something hidden in God's Word, and I'm certain he won't be the last.

Bottom line: Between the lie that comprises the first half of the book and the complications of the second half, I can't recommend this book in good conscience.

... perhaps if I were a man? Probably not...

Disclaimer: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze book review bloggers program. The opinions expressed in this review are my own.

Thoughts...

2010-05-27T07:04:00.000-07:00

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. ~Sophia Loren

I read this quote today, posted by one of my "fan pages" (or whatever they're called now) on Facebook. I'd say Ms. Loren hit the nail on the head! There's just something about being a mom that doesn't let your mind ever rest or fully disengage. You're always thinking ahead.

As an infant, those thoughts revolved around Caleb's next feeding- for my life truly did revolve around his eating "schedule" (perhaps routine is a better choice of word, since we didn't utilize any type of schedule?). If I needed to go somewhere or do something, I had to "tank him up" and run out the door, because within a couple of hours, he'd be ready for more. OH, and no matter how many bottles of milk I pumped, he refused them. Preferred his meals directly from the source. I'd be lying if I said that was an annoyance or troublesome- some of my best memories come from remembering that little face with milk dribbles on the chin, resting peacefully on my arm, and knowing that I alone provided him with all he needed in life. So this responsibility, this blessing of nursing him truly did dictate the what, when, and where of my life for months.

As I've transformed into the mom of a toddler, my thought patterns have changed, as well. Sure, I still ponder thoughts of "when will he be ready to eat again?" and use them to shape my day, but as his mobility has increased, I've developed a sort of sixth sense for always knowing where he is. Most of the time, I need to have my eyes on him, for curious toddler hands have a way of finding anything they shouldn't touch. As he grows, he's discovering all of the things stashed away on tables and countertops, no longer safe from wandering eyes and hands. Subconsciously, I always know where he is and what he's doing. Even on the rare occasion that we're apart, I still find myself "keeping eyes on him" out of habit. A month or so ago, Caleb stayed with my inlaws while I went to my annual eye doctor appointment. For the first time, having my eyes dilated caused vision disturbances and a major migraine. So, I came home for a few hours- alone- and waited on my hubby to come home from work. That was the first time I'd been by myself in the house for more than five minutes since before Caleb was born! It's second nature- I kept looking for him and reminding myself that he wasn't here.

So yep, it's true. The brain of a mommy doesn't have an off switch. I love it.

Back in the Blogging Groove

2010-01-07T09:02:00.000-08:00

So now that we're past the holidays, I'm back in the blogging groove. Honestly, it just took a "what's up with your blog?" to make me realize that people are actually paying attention. Ha! And here I thought I was the only one reading my posts.. (Thanks Felicita)! I had fun customizing her blog header, and so it got me in the mood to give mine a bloglift!

Life here in the mommy 'hood has been interesting as the boy is cutting what appears to be approximately two gazillion teeth (mostly molars, possibly an eye tooth as well?). He ran a low-grade fever for about half of our vacation to Indiana, and has been Mr. Cranky since we returned. I feel badly for him, because he is usually SO happy... so I know he's got to be hurting if he's grumpy. Not helping matters is the fact that I'm also sick, which causes a patience deficit on my part... and in turn, guilt for not being more patient with him when he's in pain.

Lesson of the week thus far? Take each day as it comes. Each sunrise is a new day, a clean slate, and a chance for opportunities unknown. Even when it seems like the same cloud is parked over your head for several days in a row, take heart and know that this too shall pass.

...and just think of the steak he'll be eating when all those teeth come in.

New Layout

2009-11-11T13:24:00.001-08:00

Okay, so I'm just starting to get my feet wet with this whole blogging thing.. but I was super stoked to find out that someone (Mikelle - you can also click the My Style Backgrounds button to the right) had created backgrounds with Amanda's awesome Fall Kit. What an awesome job she has done!

I played around with some other elements of her kit, and created this siggie for our message board:

I can't wait to mess around some more with the elements of this kit!

Loving it!

2009-11-10T14:01:00.000-08:00

So, after lots of jealousy over all of these popular blogs by ordinary people, I decided to start my own! My final inspiration came froma blogger named Amanda... she has the best blog with recipes, photography, scrapbooking stuff, and glimpses of their everyday life. I'd be curious to know how many followers she has. I doubt I'll get quite as creative as she is, but a girl can hope. I'm blown away by her generosity with all of her giveaways and knowledge. Maybe someday I'll be popular enough that people will give me things to share with my readers? Ha!

My goal for this blog is to share things I learn along this path called motherhood. While there is not a "manual" per se, I believe there are lessons we can learn from each other. I think a mom's greatest resource is the other moms with whom she surrounds herself (especially those who are like-minded in their child-rearing philosophies). My best friend has a daughter who is 8 months older than my little man, and as it turns out, we are like two of the same mom! I think we've agreed on everything so far, from breastfeeding to nutrition to staying home with our children to our favorite places to shop for our kids! I am also a part of an online moms' group that formed while we were pregnant with our little ones. We're very diverse, and scattered all over the US & Canada, but we've found a wealth of support and information in our little group.

Hopefully, I'll get with it and get some posts up soon...